Friday, June 11, 2010
In over my head!
Here is a scary thought, I am now the greatest influence in Lindsey's life no longer the daycare. I never thought about it that way until now. Looking back I would fight the daycare on some of the smallest issues but I think it was because I felt like they were taking away my little bit of mommy influence that I had left. It was so much easier to blame the daycare for the bad attitude at night and the bad habits but now when she has a bad attitude it is MY fault. I am now the main person who she is imitating and learning from! I have even more time to screw her up or even more time to mold her into a beautiful little girl. I have no clue what I am doing and I am constantly lost! I pray each and every morning for God to guide me! This is truly a never ending job! I think that is one reason I love working so much. After my shift 4, 8, 12 or 16 hrs I know that it stops and I can leave it. This mommy thing NEVER stops. I am constantly on go! I read all the books and websites when I was pregnant and not one mentioned how overwhelming this job can be! How do I teach her, how do I mold her, how do I not screw up???? Thank God, God is driving. Thank God Lindsey is forgiving! I think I am going to search Mardels tonight and buy every book on parenting and education! Right now Lindsey thinks everything is the color black!