Thursday, May 31, 2012
Recently I was asked if I liked children..... I quickly responded NO. The person who asked me was taken back and called me out for answering so quickly. All I could respond with was I like my kids and my friends kids but yeah. The conversation moved on but I have not moved on from it or better yet God has not let me move on from it. Every time, since then, I open my Bible I am directed to read something about children. As I have lost a few nights of sleep over this I am now beginning to understand why I answered NO so quickly. It is not true that I do not like children because I do. However, God seems to expose most of my flaws through children, either my own or others God is not picky. If you want a lesson in humility get down on your child's physical level and apologize to them (sincerely) because you lost your cool! Or how about a lesson in priorities because you are putting a career or better yet a social network over your kids. At that time Jesus said, “I praise you, Father, Lord of heaven and earth, because you have hidden these things from the wise and learned, and revealed them to little children. (Matthew 11:25 NIV84) As adults we think we have it all figured out but honestly we have lost it. Children have this amazing ability to just believe. There is no over complicating of things it just is and they will stand by it no matter! My daughter, today asked me if we were in Arkansas or Okameno City. I replied Arkansas. She confidently said no I think we be in Okameno City. I get so frustrated with her for asking me if she already knew the answer and she just as confidently as ever says I just know! What really bothers me is that I can remember having that kind of confidence in what I believed. I had this no fear approach to faith. I just knew God was God and that was all I needed. However, at some point I got scared and let the world seep into my heart. So now I am having to fight those fears and beg God for courage all because I let go of that confident fearless little girl! No wonder Jesus got onto the disciples for trying to shoo away the little children. If I was Jesus I would have wanted to hang with them rather than the whiny adults any day. So yes I do love children! I am jealous of their honesty, openness, fearlessness, and confidence. I want to protect my girls from the world and equip them to deal with the world so that they may never loose that confident fearless side that some days I mourn the loss of in myself!
Sunday, May 13, 2012
Happy Mother's Day! Today has been a roller coaster of emotions! Jay and I stood in front of our church and dedicated our sweet EC! As
the staff our friends prayed for us I was in awe of this journey called motherhood. There are times I look at my girls and feel gut wrenching guilt! I never wanted kids! I was not that girl planning kids and names. Then 3 months into our marriage we were so surprised to find out we were pregnant! Now don't misunderstand me I loved my little Lindsey from day 1 but grasping all that motherhood means has taken time! I know no harder job than raising these 2 girls! They constantly challenge me and just when I think I have a grasp on things they act like little mirrors and make me take a look at myself and realize the grasp I had was not as great as I thought! I have heard story after story of how the struggle to get pregnant drew them closer to God but nothing in my life has made me seek God harder and faster than being a mom! I joke that my goal for raising my girls is keeping them out of therapy but really my goal is so much greater! I want these to girls to grow up and be women that are so passionately in love with God that they are changing the world! Sometimes the weight of that goal is overwhelming! So as a result I have to turn to God because if left up to me Therapy is the only option!
Now I can honestly tell you that my life would be so incomplete had my plans gone my way! But oh how blessed am I that God chose a different path for me! My girls are beyond sweet and amazing! When the days get mundane and I am tired of stepping in puke I must stop myself and remind myself that motherhood is a gift and I got the 2 best gifts there are! I love my sweet Linds and EC! Oh and I love that my girls have their daddy's genes! His genes are their saving grace! He is a pretty amazing guy!