I can't sleep! Tonight is the first night that Jay is traveling and I am all alone with both girls! My heart is heavy with many things so why not share them with the internet! I put pictures up of my loves to lighten the heavy.
My pastor posed a question recently about what breaks your heart. What makes you stop and cry? I tried to think about all the Sunday School answers. . . you know hunger, poverty, the orphans and honestly they do not break my heart! What breaks my heart is the thought that my kids will make my mistakes and that they will never come to be passionately in love with Jesus. I want so much more for my girls than just being good people. I want to raise girls that go against the grain, that are not afraid to be weird and stand out because they refuse to just do what the world says is normal!
Here is the kicker, I am scared to death to lay my heart open before God and share with Him my fears and desires for my family. I know that when I FINALLY lay it all out there God will say it is about time and get busy stirring up all kinds of change. I keep trying to plan my life and I know God will come right on in and change all my carefully crafted plans.
I know the end result will be so beautiful. I mean 2 years ago I laid open my heart to God and my world changed dramatically. I am now staying home with my girls and actually loving it. My carefully crafted plan did not involve day care drama or full-time mommyhood but O looking back what God had planned was so much better in every way possible. So I guess I write all this to remind myself that yes opening yourself up to God wrecking your plans can be painful but from that pain and fear comes this beautiful outcome that you can not recreate with all the careful planning in the world. . . just not possible.