The cry that moms can not wait to hear that confirms all is right with their newborn took longer than normal to come. After the Dr. handed Lindsey over to the nurse I waited and waited for what seemed like forever for Lindsey to wail. After too long of a wait I heard the faintest cry. That cry was the sweetest scariest moment ever. I later learned that Lindsey was NOT breathing and had to be resuscitated.
As a result of her not breathing she was taken to the NICU. I sent Jay with Lindsey and my mom came and held me. I kept telling my mom it was precautionary but inside I was so unsure. Jay came back and told me that Lindsey was beautiful but I had to wait to see her.
My epidural took forever to wear off and when it did I began to feel my broken tail bone and the anxiety of the situation began to set in. I became the patient I despise. I was yelling for the Dr. and pain meds. The Dr. lovingly gave me a beautiful cocktail that knocked me out COLD!
I woke up form the drug induced sleep with the most empty feeling I have ever felt! I began to get up while Jay was sleeping and clean up in the bathroom. The nurse caught me trying to sneak out and lovingly wheeled me down to the NICU. Now understand it was like 2 in the morning and Lindsey was born at like 6 at night. I had yet to meet my daughter that I impatiently carried for 8 months.
The sweet NICU nurse agreed to let me come in and meet Lindsey. The NICU was so quiet and no family or visitors were around. I went straight to my little girl and sobbed. She was so beat up from the delivery. Her head was on a cool gel pack and it was so swollen. Her little arm was strapped down so she wouldn't disturb her broken collar bone. She had a mini NG tube and an IV coming out of her belly. Not the picture you have in your head of your first meeting. I reached in her crib and she grabbed my finger and held on tight. I sat there and sobbed and apologized to Lindsey that her first moments in the world were so scary.
Looking back at that first meeting it was so sweet and precious to me. In the quiet of the night Lindsey and I got to meet face to face alone and share in a moment that will forever be just ours. No other person will have a perspective of our first meeting just her and I. I was able to tell her my hopes dreams and promises for her. Although our meeting was far from perfect looking back I would not change it for anything. Lindsey let me know early that the bond her and I share is beyond special it is a gift from God and to be cherished!
3 comments:
Oh my gosh!!! You worded your blog so perfectly.... You made me cry. You made me relive the trauma we all shared with you on May 16th. Lindsey Marie is the most beautiful granddaughter and has the most beautiful mommy and daddy.
Happy Birthday Lindsey!!
Aunt Clair said - Oh megger you really have a way with words - I think you might have gotten it from uncle Jim Moody - Your blog is awesome and so are you. I remember the weekeng Lindsey was born like it was yesterday and am so looking forward to camping in your driveway again so we can celebrate the miricle of Lindsey. See you soon and love you guys.
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